Deadly Enemies
by Angeliss
Summary: Bella’s in trouble again… But who is threatening her now? An angry vampire? An angry werewolf? Or something else? And is it angry? Read to find out. Oneshot, humorous.


Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, and no matter how many stars I wish on or birthday cakes I blow up, I never will.

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Edward POV

"Edward! Edward, Bella is in trouble!" Alice ran towards me. I was just finishing off my mountain lion, the last of the hunting for the weekend. Bella. My Bella. And she was in trouble. I dropped the lion, my head jerking up at Bella's name and Alice's tone of voice.

"What did you see?" I asked, trying to keep the hysteria out of my voice.

Alice showed me, bringing the image back to her mind. Bella was in her room, flattened against the wall, screaming.

"When will this happen?"

"Soon. In a few minutes."

The terror in Alice's face was evident, and her thoughts were more so. _We're too far away, Edward…_ I turned and began to run in the direction of Forks, calling behind me, "No, we aren't!"

I raced faster than I had ever done before. When Bella's house came into view, I heard a scream. Oh no. My Bella was in danger.

I vaulted up to her window and threw it open, only to find…

* * *

Bella POV

Who knew that my dresser had so much stuff behind it? I moved it out of the way, picking up papers and small random items: a pen, a necklace, some tacks…

Oh, my God. Something in the shadows lunged at me, something so big and fast, I barely got my hand away in time. My heart exploded into action, pounding frantically in my chest. I couldn't breathe. I threw myself back against the wall, screaming.

Edward was there suddenly. "Bella, where's the danger?"

I pointed behind the dresser I'd moved only a few moments before. My voice was no longer working, having gone dry.

Edward moved forward to the dresser. And then he began to laugh. He laughed so hard, I was sure Charlie could hear all the way across town.

Slowly, so I could see him do it, he reached down behind the dresser and grabbed the hairy, black spider. It was so large, that the legs wiggled out of both sides of his closed hand.

"Careful, they bite!"

Edward just laughed. "Bella, it can't bite through my skin. It's too hard." I could see the long, skinny legs poking through his fingers, trying to escape. "The poor thing is sure trying, though."

He walked to the window and threw the offensive arachnid as far as he could. I hoped it exploded against a tree. Never would it live to have little spider babies to haunt my room, crawling across my pillow at night... Filthy bloodsuckers. I hated them as much as I feared them.

I shuddered, trying to get my breathing back to normal. Edward again began to laugh.

"It isn't funny," I said, my voice threatening to crack. Edward was laughing at me. Tears filled my eyes. "Stop laughing."

Edward stopped. "I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to hurt you. I just raced here all the way from Mt. Rainier because Alice had a vision, and we thought you were in danger. But she didn't see a spider."

"Hey, spiders can be very dangerous. How do you know that wasn't a brown recluse? Or a Hobo spider? Those are poisonous, I'll have you know. And spiders are not supposed to be that big in Washington. It might have been genetically tampered with. Or someone's pet tarantula."

"It wasn't quite big enough to be a tarantula. And the poisonous spiders you mentioned are not very common. They prefer the great outdoors," he said, his eyes twinkling, although he was holding back his laughter. "As for genetically tampered with… Maybe. I'm sure someone is experimenting on large, eight-legged creatures for deadly warfare, and just happened to lose one. And it just happened to find your room. In the middle nowhere."

"And what do you think I have in my backyard other than the 'Great Outdoors'? Cemented walls with 'No Spiders Allowed' signs?"

"I highly doubt that your average wolf spider would read a sign," Edward said.

I glared at him. "Even if it wasn't poisonous, it could have bitten me and had my hand swell up for a week."

He sighed. "Oh, Bella, what are we going to do with you? Between the angry werewolves, the angry vampires, and the flesh-eating spiders, how will I ever keep you safe?"

I gulped. "Flesh-eating spiders?" I couldn't keep the tremors out of my voice.

"Oh, Bella," he said, and pulled me into his arms. "Flesh-eating spiders are no match for me."

Far, far away, Alice began laughing hysterically. Jasper looked over at her, but she couldn't gather enough breath to tell him what was so funny. He shrugged, and went back to reading his book. Sometimes, it was better not to ask.

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Sorry if you hate spiders... Washington has lots of the nocturnal, large, hairy wolf spider variety. I came up with this after killing one that attacked my shoe. Sorry if you feel sorry for spiders, too, but I have a Law that must not be broken about spiders that bite entering the sacred sanctuary of my room. Instant death. It's quick and... Well, I don't know if it's painless. But it's quick.

Please review, especially if you notice an error. I might make this a twoshot, but I can't see it going beyond that. Tell me what you think.


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